I’ve been having a difficult time writing entries for my blog because I just finished detaching myself from Pride and Prejudice and Mansfield Park, both of which I read greedily and reread favorite passages earnestly, if not only because the stories were great but also because the language of dialogue was difficult for my simple mind to grasp the first time around. Now Austen’s prose is running circles in my head and seeping into my speech much to the vexation of my friends. And I fear it has somehow found its way into my text, albeit in a more unsophisticated fashion. In an effort to not emulate(poorly) her writing style and thereby exposing myself as an uneducated hack, I’m just going to recap my fun weekend at the Sonoma Coast in brief sentences.
When a French person asks for bread and you point to some hot dog buns, you can rightfully expect and deserve a look of disdain and pity.
If such an instance does occur, you are obligated to join in the search for real bread by going to every grocery store available and and persevere until an acceptable bread is secured.
When Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love is blasting from the speakers, all female entities must get up and perform an exaggerated and heartfelt lip-synch to the song.
Eight ribeye steaks from Costco is more than enough to sustain 8 people in the course of two days. However, that wise realization never occurs during the act of purchasing food, but rather, reveals itself only after your eyes glaze over from a carnivorous feast.
I am the undisputed queen of Taboo. Be on my team and you’ll never know the meaning of the word ‘lose’ nor will you have to cook burgers for the winning team in the middle of the night. Victory is best served on a toasted bun with a slice of cheddar.
Upon seeing some cute baby deer prancing about the overgrown brush outside the window, a true carnivore exclaims, “mmmm venison.”
People who claim they don’t know how to play poker are lying! And you won’t know until you’ve been fleeced by the least likely culprit.
All the XY’s in my acquaintance have a genetic predisposition to setting meat on fire and a genetic aversion to washing dishes.
When leading a caravan of cars through winding Sonoma wine country roads, try not to slam on the brakes or make sudden turns without giving your followers ample time to react, because then, you become “that guy”.